The Art of Persuasion: 8 Ways to Get Women Smoking Cigars

So, you’re tired of getting complaints from your wife / girlfriend / mistress / mother / love doll about cigar smoking. Well, we have a solution – get her/it into cigars! Then you can share your hobby together.

It’s never gonna happen, you say? Well, we’ve got 8 tried and true ways to get women into smoking. (Keep in mind, however, that when we say “tried and true,” we mean, “completely made up.”)

Jennifer Lopez with cigar

1. She Looks Classy when Smoking

A cigar can make anyone look a little bit more dignified. Many historical luminaries loved to puff away on stogies, so your lady is joining rarified company by picking up smoking. Let her know that she can become an aristocrat simply by firing up a cigar. Any man will admit that women smoking cigars is a huge plus when it comes to dating and finding your smoking buddy soul mate.

2. It Will Help her Lose Weight

Smoking cigarettes can reduce appetite, so maybe smoking cigars will have the same effect on her? For us, this has never been true. It actually just makes us drink more wine and eat more desserts for those delicious pairings. But tell her about the marvelous weight-loss benefits all the same, anyway. You’ve got to try something, here!

3. She Will Stand Out From the Crowd

Not every lady can smoke a cigar. It’ll make people turn their heads when they see her relishing her new hobby. Just another pretty face at the communal scrapbooking table? Hell NO! Tell her that she’s standing out from the crowd by doing whatever she damn well pleases. Just watch out – too much empowerment and she might start wondering what the hell she’s doing with you.

mean great aunt

4. It Will Piss Off Her [insert disfavored relative]

Traditional relatives will hate that she smokes cigars. If she’s been looking for a great way to piss off a great aunt or mother-in-law that she’s feuding with, cigar smoking just might be the ticket. The next time she has to visit that relative, have her come in puffing up a storm on a huge maduro-wrapped stick. It’s sure to go over really well, and make that next planned Thanksgiving at THEIR house, well, optional.

5. Use the Power of Second Hand Smoke

Smoke around her so often that she forgets she isn’t a cigar smoker. Be sure to blow lots of smoke directly in her face. When her whole world is smoke, she’s bound to pick up the habit, right?

Oh wait, we were reading from “Tips to Help you Get Smacked Square in Your Damn Face.” On second thought, don’t use this one.

6. It Will Bring you Closer Together

The couple that smokes together, stays together. Let her know just how much you cherish every second that you’re together, and tell her that smoking is just another thing to share. (Try to say these things with a straight face, if you can. It will help increase the miniscule chance that she actually believes you.)

Selma Hayek smoking cigar

7. She’s Sexy when She Smokes

Let your lady know that you find smoking sexy, and that it makes you want to attack her whenever she lights up! If your relationship isn’t doing well, however, this tip will backfire, and she’ll make sure never to do that. Proceed with caution, Casanova.

8. Plan Trips to Cigar Festivals

Our best tip yet. You know how she’s always wanting to drag you out blueberry picking? To the local-yocal winter-wood-whittler’s craft fair? Appeal to her “silly outdoor festival” side by finding the local cigar festivals in adjoining cities. Heck, cast your net REALLY wide and find a bunch of them all season long and make big road trips out of it. She’ll love your ‘vacation planning’ skills – and you’ll get a cigar event on the books repeatedly! Both for your enjoyment and to keep exposing her to the craft!

That’s our advice. If anyone actually finds a method that works, please report back in and let us know! The world needs more women smoking cigars! Also, if anyone tries the ill-advised methods found in this post, please don’t blame us for your inevitable divorce. If worse comes to worse, apologize, calm her down, then give her a pack of our “We Love You Long Time” cigars to make up!

If you can’t seem to find those rare gems, you can always fantasize by following our Pinterest board of Women Smoking Cigars! And if you DO find her, be sure to take a pic and tweet it to us with the hashtag #womensmokingcigars!

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