It’s my first day as a Cheaphumidors intern in the marketing department. My GPS took me down too many side streets only to end up at a creepy warehouse. I hope this isn’t a trap; I mean Ted did seem a little off on LinkedIn… After circling the building a few times, a large man who goes by the name of Biv directed me to the “office.” They had me sit down at a computer where I pretended to know Photoshop for hours until the day was over. But anyways, it’s going swell, really swell…
I think they are starting to trust me around here. I’ve finally upgraded to the position of getting lunch. They e-mail me their food orders which usually includes too many drinks to carry and six bagfuls of food. My car now consistently reeks of tacos and stale queso; the smell is literally oozing out of it. It has gotten to the point where at the end of every day, when I’m trying to go home, I have to battle the drooling squirrels who are attempting to get in. We’re similar in size, so it’s a pretty fair fight.
Today the customer service guy, Dustin, told me my face is poppin’. I’m not sure if that’s a complement, an insult, or a threat…but at least someone is finally speaking to me. If I’m being completely honest, the office dog doesn’t even acknowledge me when I walk through the front door. Is it weird that I’ve actually started to long for a casual butt sniff once in a while? What’s a girl got to do to get a butt sniff around here?!
They’ve had me start writing product descriptions. Did I mention I know nothing about cigars, humidors, cutters, or any of that stuff. How I got this internship, I have no clue; it must have been my winning smile or the desperation in my eyes. The first time I even smoked a cigar was the other day when Ted gave me one that fell on the floor. I took it home to share with my roommate who also had never smoked one before. It was all fun and games until I ended up having to help her as she leaned over the toilet vomiting for the next half hour. But now that I think about it, I guess I have actually learned at least one thing about cigars: Do NOT inhale!
Today was a great day. I went out and got the gang’s lunch per usual, except this time, when I got back they actually let me eat lunch with them! I mean, they still don’t call me by my first name or anything; I’ve quickly come accustomed to being referred to as intern. But this is progress, and I’ll take it!
Ted steamed broccoli in the microwave and now the entire place smells like a giant fart.
That is all.
I actually found the courage to speak in our marketing meeting today. Crazy, I know! Dave started talking about the sequel to Grease. With only the response of vacant stares, I had to chime in. Not because it was an extremely awkward silence but because Grease 2 is one of the greatest movies in cinematic history and deserved recognition. The actor, the songs, the dancing…it definitely beats out John Travolta in the original. And plus, I did score some big points with the boss and now I’m pretty sure he knows my name, or at least something similar to it.
I got to be an assistant today! Well actually, an assistant to the real assistant for one of Kayla’s “How To…” videos. Nevertheless, what I was actually doing was holding Kayla’s bottle of whiskey and keeping her hydrated between takes. Not to brag or anything but I showed so much promise that Ted even let me press the record button on the microphone! I guess you could say my position around here is getting pretty serious.
Days have passed and I have somehow become close to this weird CheapHumidors.com family. Their sarcasm and crude humor no longer scares me as often as it used to. I’ve even found myself not saying gee whiz as much! Am I a changed lady? Maybe not. But I have learned some dirty jokes from Drew that I might bring up at my cousin’s wedding; Grandma would love that.
But really though, I like to think the only reason they are trying to set me up with another co-worker is because they’d like to keep me as a part of this family. But now that I think about it, it’s either that, or they’re actually trying to kill me off. I mean, I probably do know too much and I’ve only actually met Chris once…gee whiz.
If you or anyone you know wants to live the dream, and join the CheapHumidors.com family as a lowly intern, email email@example.com! If I survived, so can you!The Secret Diary of A CheapHumidors.com Intern by Marketing Intern